Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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