don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
