HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
