I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
