Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
