You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
