worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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