I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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