you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
