I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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