I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
