This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
