The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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