i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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