Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
