i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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