somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
