I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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