He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
