Nicole vs. Life
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
