forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
