honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
