you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
