It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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