Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
