Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
