I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
