you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
