Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
