my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
