I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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