Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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