Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
