i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
