Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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