is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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