I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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