You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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