The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
