i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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