I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think i have herpe
just one?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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