You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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