Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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