I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
