In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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