I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
