My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
