I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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