considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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