Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
